Fuzz: The book says you are a lonely zombie. What's a zombie?

Mortimer: Let me explain it like this: You are a possum, correct?

Fuzz: Yes

Mortimer: You like to play dead. Is that true?

Fuzz: Yes

Mortimer: Zombies do the same thing, only we aren’t pretending.

Fuzz: That's kind of creepy. Anyway, you sure have a lot of weird stuff in your house - a hand candelabra, a brain lamp, and lots of worms crawling around. Do you think a nice plant or two would brighten things up?

Mortimer: Perhaps, but I much prefer a bouquet of crispy, dead roses to a perky, green house plant. House plants are fussy. They make outrageous demands for things like water and sunlight. I can’t be bothered.

Fuzz: You wanted to meet a nice girl, so you even read books on how to do that. What's some of the advice you found in the books?

Mortimer: Oh, I found a lot of helpful advice – like how to catch a girl’s eye (use a baseball mitt), nibble on her ear (and neck and shoulder), and never, ever spill your guts on a first date.

Fuzz: When you were working out in the gym, your arm fell off.  How did you get it back on?

Mortimer: Duct tape, of course!

Fuzz: I hope the duck didn't mind. Well, you finally met Mildred. What does love feel like?

Mortimer: Love, my fuzzy friend, feels wonderfully warm and mushy, like a hearty helping of fresh brains. Which reminds me, I must be on my way. Its lunchtime and my beloved Mildred and I are going out for a bite to eat. Would you like to join us?

Fuzz:I guess it depends on who you plan on biting. HAR!  Get it? I made a joke.

Dori: [Psst! Say thank you, Fuzz.]

Fuzz: Thank you, Fuzz. (And thanks Mortimer and Kelly DiPucchio!) Happy Halloween, everyone!

Cork: I never met a cat wearing overalls before. Where did you buy them and do they sell overalls for muskrats?

Jack: These are overalls just for cats. I buy them at the Farm Cat Store. Because cats are the most special animal on the planet, we get really cool stuff that muskrats don’t get. Sorry.

Cork: You went through a lot of work to build a perfect nest to get an egg for an omelet. Why didn't you just eat cereal?

Jack: The farmer selfishly keeps all the cereal in her house. But that’s okay. Eggs are better for you. I need lots of protein to keep my strength up as I do important cat stuff, like sleep in the sun, and sleep in the shade, and stretch a lot.

Cork: Would you please give us your recipe for your favorite omelet?

Jack:  Wait until the middle of a hot day. Find one egg. Crack the egg open onto the hood of the farm truck. Mix in three catnip leaves and one mouse tail. The hood will be so hot it’ll cook the omelet in less than a minute. Mmmmm.

Cork: You did a lot of funny things, trying to get the fowl off the nest. You yelled, "Fire!" You yelled, "Flood!" You yelled, "Wolf!" Did you try other things that aren't in the book?

Jack: I tried yelling “The sky is falling, the sky is falling,” but that didn’t work. Guess they’d heard that already. I tried yelling, “I am a huge, fierce cat and I am going to eat you,” but they laughed at me. This proves that birds are not as smart as people think.

Cork: What was your most embarrassing moment in this story?

Jack: I am known in the neighborhood as a tough guy, so when I climbed into the nest with those three little babies, I did worry about my reputation for a second. Luckily the other cats can’t read. They have, however, noticed I’m followed everywhere I go by a chicken, a duck, and a goose. I tell them that the birds are my fan club. They think that’s cool.

Cork: I think you're lucky, Jack. It seems to me that having little baby birds is much better than having eggs. Thank you for talking to me! (And thank you, Catherine Friend!)

This is Cork's first interview with a cookie. Well, not exactly a cookie, but a gingerbread man from Laura Murray's brand new book, The Gingerbread Man Loose in the School, illustrated by Mike Lowery, G.P.Putnam's Sons, 2011. Fuzz wanted to do the interview, but... we all know Fuzz has a sweet tooth, and well... I don't think we need to sink our teeth into that outcome.

Take it away, Cork!

Cork: You had a very unusual beginning. You weren't actually born. The children mixed up a bunch of sweet things and baked you. At what point did your brain start to work?

Gingerbread Man: I just remember feeling all warm and cozy, puffing up on a pan. I could even wiggle my fingers and my toes. Then I heard a “DING” and all of a sudden a hand pulled my pan from the toasty oven. I looked around the room at all the smiling faces and thought, “What a busy, fun-looking place - I want to stay!”  Besides the yummy candies, I think one of the sweet ingredients I must have been made with, was love. It seems like a little bit of love can help anyone come alive!

Cork: The class left you behind when they went to recess.  What's recess?

GM: At first, I didn’t know what in the world recess was. But if the class wanted to go, then I wanted to go too. Later on, I finally found out that recess is this awesome time of the day when everybody gets to play outside. We can climb, swing, run, skip, play ball, and play games. Our teacher says that recess is a good place to get all our wiggles out. Except, I usually have a few wiggles left over that escape in the classroom too.

Cork: When you were running after your class, you got stuck to the side of a ball.  What did it feel like to roll around the school?

GM: Have you ever done something that was fun and scary at the same time?  Rolling over and over with a ball was super fun, but my cookie toe getting lost along the way was a little bit scary… because I like my toes and I want to keep them. Luckily, the school nurse knew just how to fix me up! She had a special bandage that stuck even after a few crumbs jumped on it too.

Cork: When you ended up in the art teacher's lunch bag, weren't you afraid he might eat you?

GM: Oh, yes!  When I looked up and saw those two big eyes looking down at me, I thought I was a goner. But the art teacher was one smart cookie too; he knew I was more than just a sweet treat. Thank goodness!

Cork: Can you tell us a good cookie riddle?

GM: What does a Gingerbread Man put on his bed?

Cork: I give up.  What's the answer?

GM:  A cookie sheet!  Ha! 

Cork: Hahahahaha! I'll tell that one to Fuzz!

GM: Thanks so much for chatting with me Cork!  You are a good buddy!

Cork: Thank you, Gingerbread Man. And thanks to Laura Murray! But before you go, what's a cookie sheet?

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Fuzz: You are a robot who plays music and makes toast. You were made in 1939. Do robots turn gray like people who are your age?

Cork: When you were a baby chick you came out of an egg. Do all babies come out of eggs? Did I come out of an egg?

Big Humongous Chick: I am pretty sure all chickens come from eggs, but I don’t think elephants do. I think they come in big wooden boxes. You should ask your mom if she remembers whether or not you came from an egg.

Cork: But I'm not an elephant, I'm a muskrat. The smallest chicken thought you were an elephant. Didn't she know that elephants aren't yellow and cute?

BHC: Do you mean elephants aren’t yellow and cute? Huh.

Cork: You ate the acorn that fell on the smallest chicken's head. I've never had an acorn. What do they taste like?

BHC: They taste sort of like worms, but crunchier.

Cork: When it started to rain, all the chickens ran for their lives. Why were they afraid of rain. Rain is nice.

BHC: The rain came on a Tuesday. The flock only takes baths on Saturdays.

Cork: This story is sort of like Chicken Little, but much funnier. Have you ever met Chicken Little?

BHC: Actually, the smallest chicken in my story is an awful lot like Chicken Little. Hint, hint.

Cork: Right. Like, he wasn't the sharpest egg in the carton. Thank you, Big Humongous Chick! Thank you, Keith Graves!

(Hey, readers! Go get this book!)

Fuzz: You and Elephant are best friends, then you got into a fight and did all sorts of funny things to each other. Was it fun?

Monkey: In the moment it was fun... Like when I painted a face on Elephant’s rump I was totally enjoying myself but after that I still felt hurt and angry.

Fuzz: How did you and Elephant become best friends in the first place?

Monkey: Well, it’s a long story that involves seven apple pies, an oak tree, four baby opossums and a mud pit but Elephant has asked me to never speak of that day again...

Fuzz: You helped Elephant collect smells for his smell collection. What's the best smell you collected? What's the worst one?

Monkey: The ‘Worst Smell’ and the ‘Best Smell’ happen to be one and the same! We captured it on a dark and stormy night when our friend Mr. Dog got all wet and then a skunk sprayed him... It was a horrible smell to begin with but then we decided to see if we could make it worse. So, we asked him to eat an onion and hold a few fish (Elephant’s dinner) under his arms... He was a good friend so he did what we asked. It was an amazing yet horrible smell that to this day is my most cherished possession. Mr. Dog had to shower for seven days straight to get rid of it... and Elephant could not eat his fish.

Fuzz: One time Cork got mad at me and called me a beaver butt. What would be some good names to call the person you're mad at?

Monkey: Lately, I have been using a formula for my name calling... It involves repeating, repeating, repeating, and then adding the word ‘pants’ and the letters ‘Mc’ to any words you can... Here are some examples... If somebody is stinky I would say, “You sir, are a Stinky McStinky Pants” If somebody has been rude I would say, “You sir are a Rude McRude Pants” It works for now but I like to invent new formulas all the Mctime.

Fuzz: When you and Elephant finally made up, all your friends yelled, "HUZZAH!" What does HUZZAH mean and when would it be a good time to say that?

Monkey: I don’t know what Huzzah means but my friends and I love to yell it when something good happens and it just kinda caught on... I personally would prefer that we yelled something like, “TOILET!!!!” Or, “Hairy Armpits!!!!” whenever something good happens but sadly this never caught on... although I did try for a while.

Fuzz: Well, I like HUZZAH. HUZZAH! for Monkey! HUZZAH! for Elephant! HUZZAH! for Michael Townsend! (And thank you!)

Cork: Why did you start your school for naughty children?

Spinster Goose: While visiting my sister, Mother Goose, I noticed that some of the children in her care were completely villainous! Knowing that she is far too kind to punish the little brats. . . excuse me. . .what I meant to say is that she is much too gentle to give the misguided children the structure that they crave, so I opened my school for the little darlings.

Cork: How would you deal with a child who makes loud slurping noises when eating his soup?

Spinster Goose: At Spinster Goose’s School, the children are never served soup. Soup is too sophisticated for those messy little urchins. Actually, I find that green gruel is much better suited to their needs. Mr. and Mrs. Sprat make the gruel thick and lumpy so it cannot be slurped. One must chew it. Problem solved.

Cork: Is it bad manners for a possum to burp when he's done eating?

Spinster Goose: No bodily functions are allowed at my school! Show me who this possum is and I will deal with his insubordination directly!

Cork: Well, maybe the possum could be your mascot. Does your school already have a mascot?

Spinster Goose: We had one once. Unfortunately, he misbehaved.

Cork: Oh! That's not much fun to think about. Just one more question. What should I do if someone calls me a bad name?

Spinster Goose: Do you mean like Percival or Mergatroid? Those are two horribly bad names! But your name is Cork. Speaking of which, is Cork actually a name? I thought a cork was something that stops up a bottle and floats on water. Perhaps Cork is short for Cornelius or Coriander? Hmmm. . .I shall have to give you a proper name. Come to my office at 3 pm –Sharp! Tardiness will not be tolerated.

Cork: Fuzz! Where are you? I'm coming to find you!

Spinster Goose: Just one minute, young man!  Have you forgotten your manners?

Cork: Oh. Sorry. Thank you, Ms. Goose. (And thank you, Lisa Wheeler!)

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